Day 3: Bucket List?

Bucket List? Nope! Don’t have one and don’t want one. I know they are popular to have. I understand there are things that people want to do in their lives before they die or get too old to do them ( or however they see their bucket list). I am kind of boring. I have no desire to travel anywhere really. I am a homebody with anxiety issues. Home is good. Home is safe. Safe is necessary. Even as time goes on and my anxiety gets better, I have grown used to going with the spirit and seeing where I go and where I end up. Whether it be the Dollar store or the Grocery Store…the Hardware Store or the Bakery. Get my drift?

In saying all this, I know that people put more than just travelling on their bucket list. The way I see life right now, is in the moment. Right now, what can I be doing? I have choices to make and I will make them and life will take me to the next step. I guess in a nut shell what my goal in living life is living it so I don’t have regrets. I try to make the right decisions. I know I will make wrong ones but to live in regret is living in the past. I struggle with that as it is.

This is what I wrote in day 2:

God is good and He has me on an amazing journey that will take me places I can’t even dream about. If I can dream about it, I don’t even want to go there which might give you a clue as far as tomorrow goes and my next topic.” hint hint!”

The truth is I quit dreaming several years ago. I was in a bad spot with my depression and things weren’t going so well between my husband and I. His drinking had really drained me and I let it. There is so much more to that and maybe in future blogs I will share more about it. But…nonetheless, I was in a bad place. All I wanted to do was write and I couldn’t even do that. Nothing came and nothing had come for years before that. I knew I wanted to write, but I couldn’t and yet, I still called myself a writer. Cray Cray! I gave up. I gave up my only dream and that was writing. I gave it to God and said, “whatever…do what you want with this. I’m done.” And I quit.

My youngest son has a Bucket List. I think it’s a great idea in many respects. He gets quite excited about it and keeps adding things to it. I would never discourage that, ever. It is also a great way of keeping track of your dreams and hopes (maybe that’s what a Bucket List is). It’s easy to forget some of these things as we go on through life’s journey.

I haven’t started dreaming again yet, but I have started writing and for now, that is all I need for now. For me, they are a “ two in one deal!”

Keep Dreaming Friends! I Loves you!

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Author: Alexis

Codependent in Recovery, Extreme Introvert and Overthinker.... Loved By GOD!

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