It was two weeks ago at my appointment with the Diabetic Nurse. I was ashamed, embarrassed and felt like a complete failure. Originally when I found out I was diabetic it was all about exercising and eating right. What they failed to tell me was it ain’t easy. At the time I found out I was diabetic I was starting counselling for depression, sick and tired of an alcoholic husband and enabling him and worse of all, found out I was in that “perimenopause” time. UGH! Never mind the fact that I wasn’t active before all this. So then, finding out I was diabetic and gung ho on eating right and walking. I was good for a while. Winter comes ( horrible for depression ), motivations goes, Fitbit breaks. So many excuses and yet, it’s life and it happens.
You know, I am not looking for advice when I share this with you. In fact, I don’t necessarily appreciate it because you don’t know what I have tried and why I haven’t tried something else. It’s one thing to share what has worked for you in similar circumstances and I am all for that so long as it isn’t trying to “fix” me. My story is more than the surface of what I share here. It goes deep into the whys and hows and there is much healing that needs to take place and is taking place, as I speak. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I have no desire to do anything. That is ok. It’s my story, it’s my life. It’s one of the reasons I quit sharing in the past. Anyway, the truth is, this blog isn’t meant for me to look for answers so much is it is meant for someone who is reading it to know that they are not alone. S$%t happens. Life happens. Sometimes there are answers and sometimes we just have to sit back and wait for it to calm down. And sometimes, that is what our whole life is…back and forth.
We can’t sit in this place for long though. We have to remember the part that life does go on. We need to go on. This moment will fade away into another moment and it may be better. That is why we can’t dwell on the yuckiness we feel. It is only very recently that I can say and truly believe, in the moment, that it will be ok. I will be ok.
So, I cried to Leslie (nurse) and she reassured me that I was doing fine and to make small changes at a time. I left there feeling way better. I bought a new Fitbit and I have been making small changes again. A little bit at a time, I am feeling better. Spring is here and that helps. It’s actually sunny today and I can hear all the birds ( and the cows will soon be here!) and last night I was out with one of our dogs and we listened to the frogs, the night time birds and the coyote puppies. Yes, Spring is here and I am so thankful!
Friend, you are Amazing! There is not enough ANYTHING that can measure up to the Importance and the Worth that you are. I know what it feels to feel less than. It is a daily struggle I have. It needn’t be though and I am in healing. You can be too.
Have a Super Duper Blessed day my Amazing Friend! I loves you!