Something is Brewing

It’s been a long time since I have been good.  It’s been a long since I could smile and really mean it.  It’s been a long time since I felt I had a reason to live.  Now, not because I don’t have a reason to live.  I have many reasons to live.  I am truly blessed in so many ways. Depression and anxiety have a had a hold on me for a very long time and in recent years it’s been pretty bad.  I have had some really bad spells.  They do not impress me at all.  I don’t share with others.  I have a wall, a barrier if you will, that surrounds my soul.  No one can get in, not even my husband. I don’t know why I am like that, but I am.  I have no energy to desire things and to have passions. I feel nothing most of the time, unless I am having an anxiety episode.

Why am I sharing this now?  I don’t know. But I do know, I finally have a sliver of hope.  Hope that I might actually get well.  Hope, that the second half of century of my life might bring true happiness and that perhaps the fog of depression and anxiety will disperse and for the first time ( that I can ever remember ) I might see life clearly.

This is not only my hope, this is my future.  I will own it now!

TTFN

 

Author: Lex

Extreme Introvert and Overthinker.... Worthy and Loved On a Self-Discovery journey. Depression and Anxiety do not define me.

2 thoughts on “Something is Brewing”

  1. Hi Alexis, I appreciate your bravery in sharing openly with us of your struggles with depression and anxiety. While I’ve suffered from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) I don’t know first-hand what you and others go through.

    My son’s birth-mom is Bipolar and we’ve witnessed her ups and downs as she’s masked everything with drugs and alcohol. She seems to be doing better now, so there is definitely hope for her, you and everyone else who struggles with depression and anxiety.

    I don’t know if you’re familiar with author Holley Gerth, but she struggles with anxiety and depression. She writes about it quite a bit in her books, especially her latest one “Fierce Hearted.” Reading her stories often helps me feel like I’m not the only one who feels a certain way or deals with certain issues. That’s what I appreciate about you sharing as you do – it reminds me I’m not the only one and I don’t feel so alone. So, thank you.❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing with me Tami. In most ways I’m a very private person ( which I allude to ) but I think in order for me to get better I need to at least be more honest with myself, even if I don’t share. When I do share though, there is accountability and it is ” out there ” so I’m not sure where this will all go yet. I do know who Holly Gerth is and and I have read a lot of her stuff. She has definitely been someone I have to look to for encouragement. Thanks again for sharing and for reading! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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