But I Don’t WANT To Be Healed!!! Mental Health Edition.

Who would ever say that? In fact, we scoff at people who tend to stay in their place of pain and discomfort and say ” they don’t want to get better.” We scoff at people who choose to take medications while AND instead of getting to the issue itself. We seem to scoff at people who choose to deal with their mental health issues different than ourselves. If there is anything I have learned on my own journey is that every person is different, ever circumstance is different and that means that what works for one, may not work for another,

I’m not planning on getting into my issues very deep at this time. I just wanted to say that I can now understand why I stayed in my depression and anxiety for so long without trying to help myself. Counselling really helped me a few years ago, and right now, as the time is right for my healing , I am not only falling back on what I learned then, but I have a couple people who are a huge help to me on the internet. I’ll share more about that another time.

Today’s post is just to say that it was way easier for me to stay in my depression and anxiety than it is now, to find healing from the issues that have caused it. It’s really hard digging into things that I have purposely forgotten about just so I can live. It’s really hard to have the old feelings come up and not know what to do with them. Someone once told me I was lucky to learn about, for instance, changing my bad thoughts of myself into good thoughts of myself. No, I’m not lucky. I’m working fucking hard. I know God is part of this healing journey as well, but at the same time, if you want to heal, you have to make the choice YOURSELF. God will walk any path with you that you choose, even if you aren’t ready to heal. Remember that.

Friends, do I have any regrets in choosing to heal? Some days I do. Some days I totally fail and I just want to forget about it BUT then some days…I win! I feel good. I feel hope. Those are the days I remember when I want to give up.

Keep up friends! Take a day at a time and live your life. As I was reminded today, every hour is a new beginning.

Watch for updates!

TTFN

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