The end of Therapy? Terrifying!

I started almost two years ago seeing a psychologist. My Dr. referred me and through my provincial healthcare, I didn’t have to pay. I’m still seeing him. In September of 2020 something happened that totally devastated me and the following January 0f 2021 I started seeing an addiction counselor. I’ve had the benefit of one of them being a male and one being a female and honestly, I lucked out and they have both been so good and a great fit for me. My referral psychologist is supposed to be for short term therapy and I can hardly believe I still see him. I do believe though that it will soon come to an end. He promised me a year ago he would give me good notice though so for that…WHEW!!

I understand that therapy is not necessarily meant for life, though, maybe for some, if they can afford it, why not? Talking with my addiction counselor today, we talked about this topic. The goal of therapy is to not need therapy anymore. The goal is to learn coping skills and learn how to deal with things, on your own. It makes sense. I have learned so much from both of these individuals. I feel stronger. I still have so much fear in me and I know I still have a long way to go. I have things happening in my life that are really hard. I guess in some ways, I’m trying to soften the blow of my psychologist and counselor eventually ending therapy. It is something I will talk about in my next session as well, to get my psychologist’s point of view on it too.

But for today, nothing will change in this department. I will continue with my “homework” and learn as much as I can, including basic skills that I feel I should have known already. It’s a kick in the gut to learn that the way you have been living isn’t necessarily the healthiest way of living. But, I’m a big girl and I know that no one can make the changes but me. So I will.

TTFN

Lex

Follow up

Good grief! It’s been so long since I’ve blogged here I forget how to use WordPress. To be honest, I never was really able to totally grasp it. When I post a blog, I usually set it up as my feature post so I can find it. I didn’t do that on my last post just before I ate supper. I’ll have to find it and link it here. LOL

I feel I was so hasty and in the “moment ” when I posted that I felt a follow up was needed. Here’s the link to it: https://wordlyrandom.wordpress.com/2021/07/13/still-devastated/

I wanted to follow up to say that yes, I’m devastated still and it’s preventing me from going on Twitter and at the same time, I’m grieving for my friend in healthy ways along with therapy and other means of healing. Steve started me in the journey of healing, as my life coach a few years ago. He encouraged me to go into therapy which has been the best thing I’ve ever done. Maybe I’ll get more into that.

Honestly though, I don’t know what I want to do with my blog. I’m not sure what to write about but I feel me starting to write again ( I have two books I am at the very beginning stages), that it can be my way to pay homage to Steve. I forgot to say, he is an author. I will link some links from amazon of his books.

Catching Your Breath

Hiding in the Pews: Shining Light on Mental Illness in the Church

Anyway, this is my follow up. Hopefully I will post this one properly. LOL

TTFN

Lex

Still Devastated

I’ve been off Twitter just over a month. I just logged in to check it out and maybe go back. Right away panic set in and a little panic attack ensued. After scrolling about 5 minutes I posted and then logged off. Here’s what I posted:

“OMG I was here 5 minutes and the panic is back again. Going off Twitter one more month and if the same thing happens I’m deleting. Truth is, Twitter reminds me too much of my friend and Life Coach Steve and I’m still reeling from his death

😢

. See ya later, alligators.

❤️

As I said in the tweet, I’m still reeling from Steve’s death. He died by suicide. He is so missed. Maybe I’ll start blogging here again. We’ll see.

TTFN

Lex

PS: I’m ok

It’s a Start

Is this thinking positive?

Today has been the craziest day and it’s only 1:30. My dog ran after a vehicle going into the pasture today. I’m always concerned she will annoy the cows. I ran after her, and she DID not annoy any cows.

My dog also saw a skunk for the first time today and chased it to the end of our driveway, right to the road. The skunk hid out in the drain pipe. She did NOT go on the road and get run over and she did NOT get sprayed with a skunk. I, on the other hand, almost died running after her…and might I add, I was still in my pajamas with a heavy coat over it ( it’s like 22 degrees Celsius, very warm out) because it was the closest coat I could find, carrying a container of dog treats to bribe her.

I’m doing laundry today. Four loads. I can finally rest, somewhat. You see, if I don’t turn the water off on the washing machine, we will have a flood and crazy enough, it has happened a number of times. The last one was about a month ago and it was the worse flood ever. I am happy to say, there was NO flood today! The last load is on the last cycle.

I could say, this has been the worse day ever…the worse day of my week. Sometimes, when you have anxiety and depression, it doesn’t take much to make it the “worse” day. But today, when it seemed like the worse day, really, the worse that could happen, did NOT happen. Fergie ( our precious Princess of a dog), did NOT annoy the cows or the landlord, she did NOT get sprayed by the skunk or go on the road and I did NOT have a flood. On the other hand, I did look ridiculous.

Truly then, I will consider today and win! See you later, while I go fold laundry!

TTFN

Day 9: Camp NaNoWriMo

Another day in paradise. What a day it has been so far. Whether I was cleaning up after my senior cat who decided to pee all over a garbage bag in my office, all the way to cleaning up the laundry room because I didn’t get to the washing machine soon enough to shut off the water, I am here and I am kind of even calm. Ok, maybe my husband would disagree when he heard how I reacted when I discovered the cat pee, while he was trying to nap before going back to work. But I got over it. I cleaned everything up. I have a very clean laundry room floor and my office floor is very clean as well. What did I learn? The same thing I always learn ( then seemingly forget ) when my laundry room floods: I am a horrible mulitasker. I remember having a conversation with some friends years ago and we were talking about how women are great multitaskers and how men are not. They have one compartment in the their brain and women have many…whatever that means. Even back then, I wasn’t able to multitask. What is multitasking anyway? Yes, I listen to podcasts and cook/bake/clean at the same time….BUT when my washing machine is on, I need to turn the podcast off until I turn the water off. Yes, it’s broken that way but is usable. Today I got totally distracted. The cat was meowing and I didn’t know why, I was sweeping the kitchen floor, Wally was on on his way home for lunch…yep. Water all over laundry room floor. BUT here I am. I survived it and I won’t talk about it again until next time it happens. 🙂 None of this is a big deal, but it’s my world.

I would say I’m done with my self care series. Maybe next week I will share some netflix shows I watch to “get away” from it all. Some of the shows I have seen many many times.

It’s one of those days I’m really not into writing. I’m so tired today and would like to have a nap. I just might lay down for half an hour. I’m so tired of the political talk on line as well, whether it’s American, Canadian and since we have an election coming up in Alberta, Provincial. Oh man, I’m amazed at the ugliness of people. It’s so disheartening sometimes. Stay off comments at news sites as well. You know that saying, just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it. Jeepers.

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. I’m out of here and maybe tomorrow I will have some more exciting stuff to share. Lol Be well friends!

Alexis

Laughter Recharges Me: Steve Austin

Day 8: Camp NoNoWriMo

Hello Friends! Another Monday and another new week! I will continue today with a couple more self care things I do. I have talked about apps but my very favorite app for self care and just all round favorite of all, is Daylio. I used the free version for a couple months and liked it so much that I bought it and it’s great. They keep upgrading it and adding new things. Basically, you keep track of your moods, activities, goals. With the premium version you can add an unlimited amount of activities and moods to it. You can be as specific as you want. I think the premium version is, once you pay it, you own it. I don’t think it is a yearly subscription. The stats in it are so cool too. I have been using it 219 days in a row. Also, there is a little spot for notes so if you want to write what you actually did that day, like a journal, it’s an option. I don’t always use it. I will write something down if it stands out to me and I want to remember.

I’ve talked about my Gratitude Daytimer. I bought a cute little daytimer from the dollar store and I write all my affirmations in it and every night I write down three things that I am thankful for. Like any thing, I would suggest not being too hard on yourself. I used to think I needed to be poetic and beautiful with not only my writing but what I’m thankful for. I’ve now accepted I write the same way I think and my thankfulness comes out that way too. It’s simple and to the point, usually.

I will end with the thing that has changed my mind the most. It’s called A Note to Your Next Day Self. I learned about this from Tracy Winchell. She has a great podcast called Reboots. She talks about it more as a business tool and the beautiful thing about this, is you can make it work for what works best for you. I hear so often about writing letters to our past self…in fact, I’m in the process of doing that right now as we speak but what I’m talking about is different. I find it has really helped me as I am learning about replacing negative talk in my head with positive. When I get really overwhelmed I find myself writing to my future self and reminding her that the negative voices are lies and affirm my worthiness. I don’t always read it the next day but I find it so healing to read through it because it’s all positive. I know I did a horrible explanation here. I will post a picture of a few days in my journal I’m willing to share. What I love about this is you can do it however you want.

Once again, be easy on yourself in whatever you decide to do. When I forget to write in my gratitude daytimer, I will write “oops” and maybe a heart. I don’t fret it. I learned too much in religion that it’s too hard to keep track of all the things you have to do…and then what happens….guilt. No more. I think the idea is to find things you like to do and give yourself grace. Shit happens. If you experience depression and anxiety like I do, you need to esp give yourself grace for as long as you need it. Sometimes, all I get done is my Daylio. I’m committed to that. Its easy and it tells me how many days in a row I’ve done it. That helps. Lol

ttfn

Alexis

Letting Go Cleans My Mind, Body and Soul: Steve Austin

Day 6: Camp NaNoWriMo

Happy Saturday Friends! I’m writing a little late today today because for some reason I got caught up in cleaning a couple rooms in my house and organizing. You know how it goes Once it starts, you have no idea where it will end. I still have a stack of dishes to do and the floors. They will get done later this afternoon. Yesterday I shared about some podcasts I liked and today and I will finish it up. I will be sharing 7 with you that I listen to every week…usually. I guess that is 12 I listen to EVERY week and a whole bunch more I just pick and decide if and when I want to. Looking at all my screen shots, yeah, I do listen to a few of them. I listen to them when I do my housework and when I cook and bake. Sometimes I will take notes but actually, that is only for one. I bought a cute little speaker to use and I plan to buy a little bigger one next time and maybe even about 3 of them. One for the office, one for the kitchen and one for the bedroom or maybe I will keep this small one in the bedroom. Whatever, I think too much. Lol Let’s get going!!! Remember…these are in NO order.

Another Name For Everything is a podcast put on by the Center For Action and Contemplation. Richard Rohr, is being interviewed about his latest book, The Universal Christ, Chapter by Chapter. It is so good. I will be honest and say that I have a hard time reading Richard Rohr’s books because he is a complex writer, imo, but I love listening to him. He is so engaging and seems like such a kind man.

Ear Biscuits is a podcast by Rhett and Link of Good Mythical Morning fame on you tube. I love these guys and their banter. I love their you tube show and I love their podcast. They talk about a wide variety of stuff.

Ellen on the Go is podcast that is hosted by 4 producers of the Ellen show, Mary, Andy, Ed and Kevin. They basically go over the shows and share clips. They are so funny together and sometimes Ellen will be on it as well.

Imagined Life has got to my one of my VERY faves. Basically it talks about the life of someone famous in the first person, and you don’t know until the end who it is. There has been once I was able to guess before the end but that’s it. This is through Wondery, as is Ellen on the Go and Wondery has some great podcasts if you want to check them out. I just found a new one that talks about American Scandals. What can I say? Guilty pleasure. 🙂

Getting Curious with Jonathon Van Ness of Queer Eye. He had this podcast before Queer eye. He has a very curious mind and lots of questions and so his podcast topics and many many. He is fairly political and very clear about where he stands. I love that about him and the fact that his brain works so fast that he fits so many words in such a short time. I love people like that.

Let’s Explore, this is very new. There are four episodes. If you are very set in your Evangelical Christian views, I would suggest NOT listening to this but if you are curious and have questions, give it a listen . It is led by Lane McCall and he sits down with two pastors, Don Keathley and Darrin Begley. I hope they stay with this format and the same people. I love it so much and yes, it’s in line to what I believe. That’s why I love it so much. There are very few Christian podcasts that I can relate to anymore.

Last one and so awesome is No Crumbs Left. Teri is a foodie, just published a cook book called No Crumbs Left: Whole30 Endorsed, Recipes for Everyday Food Made Marvelous that will be out in May and is ready to be pre- ordered, and will soon he on tour. I LOVE her. Her podcasts include interviews with her awesome kids, teachers, authors and so many more, you name it. Topics such as parenting young kids to adult kids, divorce, memories, marriage, etc. She has an awesome Instagram. The best ever!!

There’s my list. If you happen to check one out, let me know what you think. Have a super evening friends, see you tomorrow!

Ttfn

Alexis

My Goals Are Worth Working For: Steve Austin