I had to stop and cry in the middle of cutting vegetables tonight. I became so overwhelmed at how special it was and how special I felt to be so loved by my grandson, Donovan. I went shopping today with him and his mama. I went along so I could keep him occupied in secondhand stores. Frankly, I loved it. He is such a well behaved boy when we are out.
While I was cutting vegetables, I went though my day in my head. I thought of the times that Dono played shy and how it was me that he clung to ( just because I was closest out of me and his mom). I’m not saying he chose me over his mom, I’m saying that I was good enough and that he felt safe with me. That is who and what I want to be and what I want to provide….safety.
I was in a self-compassion workshop this week. We talked about values and we talked about learning to love ourselves the way we are loved by someone else. When I think of the way that Dono looked to me for safety and love today, it really overwhelmed me on this realm as well. Could I really learn to love myself that much?
I think I will stay on this path. It felt really good to be loved that way. Can you even imagine how good it would feel if I could always feel that loved, by me?
Is this thinking positive?
Today has been the craziest day and it’s only 1:30. My dog ran after a vehicle going into the pasture today. I’m always concerned she will annoy the cows. I ran after her, and she DID not annoy any cows.
My dog also saw a skunk for the first time today and chased it to the end of our driveway, right to the road. The skunk hid out in the drain pipe. She did NOT go on the road and get run over and she did NOT get sprayed with a skunk. I, on the other hand, almost died running after her…and might I add, I was still in my pajamas with a heavy coat over it ( it’s like 22 degrees Celsius, very warm out) because it was the closest coat I could find, carrying a container of dog treats to bribe her.
I’m doing laundry today. Four loads. I can finally rest, somewhat. You see, if I don’t turn the water off on the washing machine, we will have a flood and crazy enough, it has happened a number of times. The last one was about a month ago and it was the worse flood ever. I am happy to say, there was NO flood today! The last load is on the last cycle.
I could say, this has been the worse day ever…the worse day of my week. Sometimes, when you have anxiety and depression, it doesn’t take much to make it the “worse” day. But today, when it seemed like the worse day, really, the worse that could happen, did NOT happen. Fergie ( our precious Princess of a dog), did NOT annoy the cows or the landlord, she did NOT get sprayed by the skunk or go on the road and I did NOT have a flood. On the other hand, I did look ridiculous.
Truly then, I will consider today and win! See you later, while I go fold laundry!
Spring is here! The trees are budding, the grass is turning green, the temperature yesterday got to 28 celsius ( 82 F ) and today is supposed to be warmer. Last night we slept with the window open and I was woke up twice by the coyotes. I’m pretty sure they were in our yard very close. Duke went wild ( the feature picture is of Duke on my pillow trying to look out the window) and I could hear Massey wake up too. It kind of freaked me out that they were so close. I imagine once the cows are here, they won’t be around as much. We will see. Our first Spring and Summer here they were around and used to watch Duke and I out walking. We would see them watching us and Duke would bark at them. I got freaked out when the one barked and howled back at him. Last Spring and Summer not so much. I think we got Massey in the late Spring so he kept them at bay. Now, this Spring we have shop cats. Two of them, outside cats. Wally figures that is why they are around ( and the fact that Dukey is a little dog). We have to keep Massey on a rope because he has started wandering off. His nose and taste pallets have taken him to the Tees Bees Farm right across the road from us. So yeah, he has to be tied up now.
This is country life. I love it, even with the coyotes. I’ll just be happy they aren’t wolves! We don’t get them around here. Whew!
Have a super Friday friend! I hope where you are the weather is sunny. Somehow, a sunny day makes life just a tiny bit better. I loves you!
There is something amazing about coffee. Something that makes so many people drink it first thing in the morning. Caffeine I imagine but besides that. For me, it is the yummy taste and just the whole idea that once I sit down for my coffee it is ok to start planning my day or at least thinking about it. I have taken the dogs for a walk and fed them and the cats (and took care of Massey and his cone of shame). I have done dishes and now I have given myself permission to sit and have a cup of coffee and a piece of cold pizza. I have been thinking about how I would write this post so here goes. 🙂
I am feeling pretty fine today. 30 days in a row (minus one) of writing/blogging. I have divulged more of myself than I was planning but some things you just can’t plan. I have been disciplined about sitting here every morning and writing. A couple of the posts I did write ahead time but for the most part, I wrote them that morning. I think in the future I will continue to do that but mix it in with a some that are planned ahead of time. I’ll just go with it. 🙂 It really worked with me to have a prompt to go with so I might just continue to use that for some writing ideas. I am still trying to find my mojo as a writer so I will try different things.
I love the thought that I finished Camp NaNoWriMo. I might have planned my intentions wrong so I may not get a badge ( oh, poor me) but I don’t really relish the thought of going through my blogs one by one and copying and pasting them to get a word count at the Camp. It’s not that worth it. I don’t need a badge anyway. I set a goal and finished it. That’s good enough for me. Actually, I took a screen shot and will use it as my feature picture. Very cool!
Well friend, thanks for being on the journey with me. I am looking forward to our continued journeys wherever and whatever they might be. It’s April 30, 2017, and it’s a GREAT day to be alive! I loves you!
Now I feel like I should make a list of all things that would make my day perfect. Well, if there is one thing that I don’t do, that is answer questions in obvious ways. 🙂 The way I see it, why would I make up my mind today what a perfect day is? My Massey dog has to wear the cone of shame and he keeps trying to scratch him off and I keep having to do it up; my husband is away for the weekend and I am quite dependent on him in a lot of ways…..can today still be a perfect day despite these setbacks for me? If I have a quota, they can’t. If I live in the moment and I try to live out of who I am in Christ, then today can be a perfect day.
I used to try and imagine the perfect day. There were times I would think my perfect day was time away from my kids…that didn’t work. I missed them too much. There were times I would think my perfect day was time away from my whole family. I missed them too much though the times I did do that, they were pretty needed. That didn’t make it a perfect day though.
I’d like to imagine a perfect day in a tiny home, writing. The problem with that is focus ( more like a lack of focus). A full day of writing would not happen here. How about a perfect day being you do whatever you want, whenever you want. That sounds kind of selfish. I need to take care of someone or something.
What I would like is for today to be my perfect day. The day that I live TODAY. Even if my circumstances SUCK. To some it up for me, a perfect day is a day that I can look back on and say
– I did the best I could with what I had.
– I learned something new today
– I did the next best thing no matter how small it was
– I am alive, therefore my purpose is still alive.
– I am loved!
Do you have a perfect day friend? Never feel bad or selfish because you answer a question different than I do. Remember, this is my blog so I talk a lot about me. It gets kind of old for me. 🙂
Have a super duper perfect day! If you want to read some really great uplifting quotes, google Winnie the Pooh quotes. Oh my heart! I loves you!
I loves you, friend! ❤