I started almost two years ago seeing a psychologist. My Dr. referred me and through my provincial healthcare, I didn’t have to pay. I’m still seeing him. In September of 2020 something happened that totally devastated me and the following January 0f 2021 I started seeing an addiction counselor. I’ve had the benefit of one of them being a male and one being a female and honestly, I lucked out and they have both been so good and a great fit for me. My referral psychologist is supposed to be for short term therapy and I can hardly believe I still see him. I do believe though that it will soon come to an end. He promised me a year ago he would give me good notice though so for that…WHEW!!
I understand that therapy is not necessarily meant for life, though, maybe for some, if they can afford it, why not? Talking with my addiction counselor today, we talked about this topic. The goal of therapy is to not need therapy anymore. The goal is to learn coping skills and learn how to deal with things, on your own. It makes sense. I have learned so much from both of these individuals. I feel stronger. I still have so much fear in me and I know I still have a long way to go. I have things happening in my life that are really hard. I guess in some ways, I’m trying to soften the blow of my psychologist and counselor eventually ending therapy. It is something I will talk about in my next session as well, to get my psychologist’s point of view on it too.
But for today, nothing will change in this department. I will continue with my “homework” and learn as much as I can, including basic skills that I feel I should have known already. It’s a kick in the gut to learn that the way you have been living isn’t necessarily the healthiest way of living. But, I’m a big girl and I know that no one can make the changes but me. So I will.
I’m doing devotional by Brennan Manning and today’s really jumped out at me. I know this is something I really need to do. There is so much I have gone through that I am not thankful for even though it has made me who I am today. I am just tired of bringing up the past. I guess this is one of those things we have one wrestle through and just decide to do or not to do. It’s another journey…another option. AP
Good and Trouble
Gratitude is inclusive. At an AA meeting in Kinsale, Ireland, a man named Tony said, “If I had to choose among all the diseases that afflict human beings, I would choose mine [alcoholism], because I can do something about it.” At that meeting (as at each meeting) he introduced himself as “a grateful recovering alcoholic.” When asked why, he said, “Because without the Twelve Steps of this program I never would have found God.” Likewise, in the book of Job, that ruined man of God said, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10) …
To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives—the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections—that requires hard spiritual work. Still, we are only grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to this present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God.
It’s not a thing that holds me back, it’s a person and that person is me. My thoughts and fears hold me back.
My thoughts that are lies. Lies that I am not good enough, that I can’t do it for whatever reason. My thoughts that say it’s too late. The “not good enough” lie can show itself in anything. If you believe you are not good enough then that is the way you will act. Friend, that is a complete lie. You are good enough and can do whatever you want to. It’s in your hands. Change your thoughts. Know the truth and believe it.
My fears that are fears. Fears that won’t allow me to try something new. Fears of failure and not making it the first time. Fears that talk way louder than any of my positive thoughts and meld together with the deafening sound of the lies.
They are best friends; my thoughts and fears.
The beautiful thing is that this doesn’t have to be the end. I can change my thoughts and I can fight my fears. AND that’s what I do. I have made it my beginning!
What holds you back my special friend? Fight it!!!
I’m Cheering you on my friend! I loves you!
Keep in mind when I am sharing things on my blog I am sharing them from my perspective and my life and the issues I talk about may look different from how you see them. Even though I am (de) and (re)constructing my religious beliefs right now, doesn’t mean that my faith is not important to me anymore or that my relationship with God is severed or anything like that, it just means, in my mind, that the Truth is becoming realer and righter to me. 🙂
This question can and does go hand in hand with yesterday’s blog.
Things that make me scared:
1.The thought that I will have to live with depression for the rest of my life and go on drugs for it. I don’t like that thought at all and brings some fear to my life. I have a taken a few kinds of antidepressants and they were awful. In my case, I believe my depression goes hand in hand with my religious beliefs and I have found as I am learning new things ( that I am Truly Truly loved) and realizing some of the lies I have been taught, my depression has been less. Maybe it is just wishful thinking but this is one of these issues that..this is how I see my depression.
2.The thought of going back to the lifestyle we had when my husband was drinking. Meaning, Wally drinking again. I hate that idea and it scares me.
NOW…I want to talk about both of these fears. Do you notice I start them with “The thought”? I am already giving these issues fear over me because I am thinking about them. I will go as far to say is I am already formulating ideas in my head as to how to deal with them. THAT my friends is called “future tripping” and it is a bad bad idea! Neither one of these things have happened and to be honest, there is no reason that I can see that they will happen in the unforeseeable future. So, I live my days as if they have or will happen and then if all of a sudden it does, I live through it a second time. It is so stupid and it is something I have done my whole entire life. I have killed people off during these thoughts. It is so nasty and might I say, more common than I have ever known. So many of us are missing out on our lives…the here and now .because we are so concerned about what “might” happen. It totally blows me away. I have no control over either of these issues. Maybe, in a way, the first one, but definitely not the second one. A few months ago I was fretting over my fear of my hubby drinking again. I was in rough shape because it definitely makes me physically ill because of the anxiety. All of sudden I heard “I will always be with you and take care of you.” God reminded me that I was never alone. If the time ever comes, I will be ok.
You know, this moment is the only one I am guaranteed. We never know what will come and when our time on this earth is done. We have right now. Join me friends in living it with Thanksgiving rather than worrying about the future. For now, it will be ok. ❤
Happy Tuesday coming from a very snowy Central Alberta, Canada. Brrrrrrr I loves you!