Joy Dare Notes

It’s an interesting thing, this Gratitude challenge.  It is Day 6 and out of 6, I missed 2.  The whole idea of looking for something, in particular, is kind of a hard thing to get used to. After I am done writing this blog I will use my weekly Joy Dare list as the background on my phone; then I will see it and remember.  It’s like starting a new habit.  I won’t chalk this up to failure yet.

It’s a beautiful Saturday here in Central Alberta.  My husband is working today ( and tomorrow).  My kids are both sleeping.  It’s so normal calling them “my kids” and yet when I do that on social media it makes them sound younger than they are.  They are 20 and 17.  I don’t plan to wake them up anytime soon ( it’s 10:30).  No huge plans today.  I might do a load or two of laundry and I need to go into town for a few things.  That’s about it.  I don’t lead a real exciting life.  🙂

Our landlords should be bringing their cows over soon.  We usually get them in Spring until Fall.  We love having them around.  We are kind of cow nerds ( my husband more than I).

Oh yeah.  Yesterday I sent in school registration for the very last time!  Grade 12.  With all the changes happening to homeschooling in Alberta, I am so thankful we are getting out of it now.  It’s way easier to come into these changes rather than being in the system already, set on a certain way of doing things and then all of a sudden having to change.  I agree with some of the changes but disagree with others.  Luckily, for us, we can do things the same we have all the way through high school.

Well, that’s enough rambling for now.  Have a great day friend!  Don’t forget how loved and amazing you are.  I loves you!

Day 11: A Habit I Wish I Didn’t Have

I didn’t know what to pick. I have so many. 🙂 I will choose one based on a comment I made at the end of my last post and happiness. One of my worse habits is pushing down my emotions. Truth is, I push them all down whether they are good or bad emotions. It was interesting when I was in counseling, we talked about emotions and I was asked to name some. The only ones I could name were the negative ones. I felt them all the time but the anger I stuffed, as well as any happy emotions. I guess I just didn’t feel worthy of being happy.

I would like to think that this has changed by now but it hasn’t, much. I’m very careful, first of all, about who sees any of my emotions. If I feel unsafe in any way…it’s gone. Pushed deep into me. When I was out walking the other day, it was just my Dukey and I. For that walk I felt so happy and I was tempted to stuff it in, but I didn’t and I was surprised (don’t laugh at me now) that I actually felt happy for a couple hours after. That is not an emotion I am used to at all. I usually stay on a very even keel so I am mediocre or melancholy or angry. I don’t allow myself the in between feelings.

What happens to a person that they don’t allow themselves to feel at all? Why does guilt play so much into it? I know it is a far bigger picture than just not allowing emotions. I know that it goes deep deep into a place that I haven’t explored yet. I also know that time is coming to explore it. It is one of those places I have to go in order to find complete healing. Over the last four years, I have explored many places; many nooks and crannies within myself where I have hidden memories. Some I have been healed of, some I haven’t yet but as I go along this journey, I am learning to offer grace to myself. Meaning, I am allowing myself to take all the time I need for complete healing. @#%t happens that you have no control over and from there life can spiral as you live the only way you know to cope with what has happened. Through that we come up with ways to cope and in that is where we may find some bad habits, hence, mine of stuffing my emotions.

I know this is pretty deep for such a simple question. I am usually like that. 🙂

Well friends, off I go to enjoy this nice day. We have a bunch of snow that is supposed to come Thursday and Friday. Oh the joys of Spring in Alberta! Have a super duper blessed day!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy! I loves you!