Day 23: What Do I Wish For?

I wish people would be kinder. It makes me so sad that we are so ugly to people just because they think different from us. There are so many diversities of people in the world and it is natural to flock with like minded people. I don’t have an issue with that. My issue is when this community of like-minded people are nasty to those who think different than them. Unfortunately, this is a humanity issue. Every group does it. Maybe not everyone in the community does but as a whole they all do it and it looks bad for everyone in that group. That is why we have wars. Right from Day 1.

We can’t control what others do. That is what is causing all this anyway. We need to step up and take responsibility for our own actions and decide what we do have control over. I don’t have a problem with peaceful marches but if there is nastiness, I think it’s wrong. I am intrigued with the Science March that happened this weekend but I (this is my own opinion) wasn’t too impressed with the Women’s March that happened a few months back. I know even in that, there were those who were kind, but they don’t get shown much on media. It’s usually the ugly people that sell the news best.

What can I do? That’s the question we need to ask ourselves. Maybe marching is your thing. Maybe it’s not. That’s ok. We all answer this question differently. But one thing we can ALL do is to be kind to each other. It is so tiring…everything is set up to divide. Politics, Religion, Sexual Orientation, Race, Gender, Wealth, never mind all the little things that come out of these issues. I’m sure there are more but I can’t think of them off hand.

I honestly believe this quote. Even if the world will not change because of something one person does, you may change the world of one person and in my opinion, that is worth a whole lot more. Even if you will never know how you have made a difference in that one person, you will be able to sleep at night and your quality of life will be way better and way healthier.

Friend, What do you wish for? Please feel free to answer this question. I found this a hard question to answer.

Have a super duper blessed day friend! Enjoy your day even if it’s snowing (it is snowing here today and last night…UGH). I loves you!

Day 11: A Habit I Wish I Didn’t Have

I didn’t know what to pick. I have so many. 🙂 I will choose one based on a comment I made at the end of my last post and happiness. One of my worse habits is pushing down my emotions. Truth is, I push them all down whether they are good or bad emotions. It was interesting when I was in counseling, we talked about emotions and I was asked to name some. The only ones I could name were the negative ones. I felt them all the time but the anger I stuffed, as well as any happy emotions. I guess I just didn’t feel worthy of being happy.

I would like to think that this has changed by now but it hasn’t, much. I’m very careful, first of all, about who sees any of my emotions. If I feel unsafe in any way…it’s gone. Pushed deep into me. When I was out walking the other day, it was just my Dukey and I. For that walk I felt so happy and I was tempted to stuff it in, but I didn’t and I was surprised (don’t laugh at me now) that I actually felt happy for a couple hours after. That is not an emotion I am used to at all. I usually stay on a very even keel so I am mediocre or melancholy or angry. I don’t allow myself the in between feelings.

What happens to a person that they don’t allow themselves to feel at all? Why does guilt play so much into it? I know it is a far bigger picture than just not allowing emotions. I know that it goes deep deep into a place that I haven’t explored yet. I also know that time is coming to explore it. It is one of those places I have to go in order to find complete healing. Over the last four years, I have explored many places; many nooks and crannies within myself where I have hidden memories. Some I have been healed of, some I haven’t yet but as I go along this journey, I am learning to offer grace to myself. Meaning, I am allowing myself to take all the time I need for complete healing. @#%t happens that you have no control over and from there life can spiral as you live the only way you know to cope with what has happened. Through that we come up with ways to cope and in that is where we may find some bad habits, hence, mine of stuffing my emotions.

I know this is pretty deep for such a simple question. I am usually like that. 🙂

Well friends, off I go to enjoy this nice day. We have a bunch of snow that is supposed to come Thursday and Friday. Oh the joys of Spring in Alberta! Have a super duper blessed day!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy! I loves you!

Day 9: The Meaning Behind My Blog Name

Interestingly enough, someone asked me about that last week. I am afraid it isn’t a very interesting answer. The truth of the matter is that I have had this blog for approximately 4 years now but I have never blogged on it. I had been using Blogger for years and I actually just deleted it last week. I made the blog with WordPress around the same time I made a Tumblr account and they were both made with the intent of finding a way to deal with my depression through writing. Wordly Random was a name I chose because it gave me permission to write about anything I wanted. Random words. There is a psychology to it that obviously didn’t work for me otherwise I would have used it. lol I guess I found it hard switching over from Blogger plus I was a little intimidated with getting started and learning something new. Now that I look back, I see that I was majorly damaged in the fact that I wasn’t even able to write. Maybe what I had to say back then didn’t matter? I still don’t think what I have to say matters to anyone else. I do all my writing for me now and I give God all the glory. If anyone is blessed or just plain impressed by anything I have to share, that to me is a BONUS!  ♥

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Happy Sunday! I loves you!

Day 8: Someone Who Inspires Me

A few people come to mind when with this question. In fact, there are two people in my life that are total inspirations to me that I was going to write about. I have decided not to. They know who they are and I try to tell them and show them often. There are some things and for some reasons that it is too precious and sweet to me to share. Maybe one day.

Instead I will write about three people whom I see daily and that would be my family. The older they all get it seems the more I am inspired by them. I will be honest and say that it’s a fairly new thing for me to be inspired by my husband but when I see how he has overcome alcoholism and I see that others who are still drinking are reaching out to him not only for help it seems but to be his friend( and perhaps have the peace that he does), I am so proud of him. I also see him as a new man since we have been on our spiritual journey…Grace Journey I call it. It just amazes me that he is so patient with me. That is very inspiring to me. I always wished and dreamed for the day that he was “the spiritual leader” in the house and now I see just how ridiculous I was in wanting that. I wanted what I saw that others had as a “spiritual leader.” Now I know that that isn’t the way it is. He teaches me the most by what he stays silent about and what he does talk about he is well informed about. I am so proud of him. He Inspires Me.

My oldest son (20 years old) is a welder in training and a comedian. In fact he took his brother out and was performing last night when I wrote this. I think his biggest fan is his little brother. ❤ Even though I don’t agree with everything he says and does; even though he still stresses me out, I am more and more proud of him asI see how he makes some of his decisions and choices and why he does some of the things he does. He is such a hard worker and from the time he started working for the family business almost four years ago he has grown in leaps and bounds in his welding and other mechanics. He is go getter and since the time he turned 18 he has been chasing his dream to become a famous comedian. He has improved in that as well. Truth be told, I have never seen him perform. I am afraid of not laughing. Oh the joys of being a mom to a comedian. Not only that, I think I give his some good material. Lol He Inspires Me.

My youngest son is 17. He does not have his driver’s license yet but once he does I think he will be working elsewhere. He isn’t so much interested in the family business. I guess we will see. He is able to get his license in September of this year. I have this fear as a homeschool teacher that he won’t know enough for “life”. Kind of silly but it’s about my own insecurities. My goodness, the things that boy knows just blows me away and come out at the most opportune times. Of course the joke is he learned it on either The Simpsons or Corner Gas. Maybe it’s not a joke. Lol He makes me laugh. He has a great sense of humour like his brother and loves to go to the shows that are not in a bar (since he isn’t 18 years old yet). He loves helping people and has a unique way of making them feel like they are important. I love that about him and it seems that many people do including people he has just met. He Inspires Me.

In this time of life when my family can and do put up with my depression, my moods, my being a worried mom and wife, me just being crazy ole me…I love them more than I ever thought I could love any human beings. I know I drive them nuts most of the time but I know they let me because they want to eat and for me to take care of their home needs (within reason as the kids can do and so much themselves). We have a good thing going with mutual love and respect.

I love where we are at life right now. I love how we can all be friends and yet the respect for me as Mom is still there. I like to think I had a hand in that but I’m ok if I didn’t. I’m just so happy that I am inspired by my family. They Inspire Me.

Have a Great day friends and have fun this weekend!  I Loves You!

Day 5: Someone I Miss

That’s an easy one, unfortunately. It’s a question that is usually asked that brings lots of faces and memories to mind. Whether you miss them because of death or moving or just moving on, whether it brings tears or laughter, it pretty much always brings several of them and always makes us think.

In my case today, the man I miss passed away March 28, 2008 from cancer. My Uncle Ron. He was one of my Mom’s  brothers. I live in Alberta and he lived in Surrey, British Columbia. I actually lived with him and my Auntie Phyllis for a while in my early twenties. I don’t know about you but I tend to feel like an outcast in groups. I think it’s probably because I am shy and an extreme introvert. I have no problem staying perfectly silent all evening. In fact, I learn a lot. I don’t know if it was my shyness or what but for some reason my Uncle always paid attention to me when we were visiting them, even as a kid. He didn’t do it in a nasty way, but in a way that made me feel like I worth something. It’s hard to explain. Instead of trying to change me and make me “not shy” he worked with me where I was at and showed me that I was special. Because of that, I took a shining to him and felt like “I was his favorite.” This was the same as an adult. I never felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t. He never made me feel ashamed of who I was and didn’t compare me to others. He took me at face value and valued me.

I was so devastated when he died of cancer. It’s like a part of me died as well. Not only that, one of the only people that truly accepted and loved me for who I was…introverted and shy and everything on top of that…gone. I’m so thankful that I was able to spend some time with him a year or so before while I was at a retreat in Richmond BC. That’s where the picture is from. It was a super duper great time that I will always cherish. You know what, I still believe I was his favorite and I will always believe that.:) I’m looking forward to seeing him again one day.

An honorary mention is someone I used to know 31 years ago. I met him when we both worked on the Suicide Crisis Line. His name was David and he was such a great guy. Our regular callers loved him and so did all the rest of us volunteers. I loved working nights with him because of the conversation. In fact, he is the person who in a way, introduced me to Jesus. I say, in a way because I was raised Catholic and so I knew Jesus, but not in the Evangelical way. I didn’t know Him personally. Anyway he was an addict survivor. The last time I saw him he had went back to Ontario for his Dad’s funeral (who died of lung cancer) and then next thing I know I was reading an Obituary in the paper that he had passed away of cancer too. He died of the same cancer that his Dad did, and less than a year apart. My heart truly broke when I learned of his death. I really felt for his Mom too. She had lost another son years before when he was hit by a train and then in less than a year her husband and son passed away. I wrote her a little note and got the sweetest reply from her.

There you have it. Now I am sad. I have great memories though with both of these men and I will see them again. But for now, the memories will make me laugh and cry and life will go on.

Hug your loved ones close!!! I loves you!