Day 30: Thoughts on the Last Thirty Day

There is something amazing about coffee. Something that makes so many people drink it first thing in the morning. Caffeine I imagine but besides that. For me, it is the yummy taste and just the whole idea that once I sit down for my coffee it is ok to start planning my day or at least thinking about it. I have taken the dogs for a walk and fed them and the cats (and took care of Massey and his cone of shame). I have done dishes and now I have given myself permission to sit and have a cup of coffee and a piece of cold pizza. I have been thinking about how I would write this post so here goes. 🙂

I am feeling pretty fine today. 30 days in a row (minus one) of writing/blogging. I have divulged more of myself than I was planning but some things you just can’t plan. I have been disciplined about sitting here every morning and writing. A couple of the posts I did write ahead time but for the most part, I wrote them that morning. I think in the future I will continue to do that but mix it in with a some that are planned ahead of time. I’ll just go with it. 🙂 It really worked with me to have a prompt to go with so I might just continue to use that for some writing ideas. I am still trying to find my mojo as a writer so I will try different things.

I love the thought that I finished Camp NaNoWriMo. I might have planned my intentions wrong so I may not get a badge ( oh, poor me) but I don’t really relish the thought of going through my blogs one by one and copying and pasting them to get a word count at the Camp. It’s not that worth it. I don’t need a badge anyway. I set a goal and finished it. That’s good enough for me. Actually, I took a screen shot and will use it as my feature picture. Very cool!

Well friend, thanks for being on the journey with me. I am looking forward to our continued journeys wherever and whatever they might be. It’s April 30, 2017, and it’s a GREAT day to be alive! I loves you!

Day 28: My Perfect Day

Now I feel like I should make a list of all things that would make my day perfect. Well, if there is one thing that I don’t do, that is answer questions in obvious ways. 🙂 The way I see it, why would I make up my mind today what a perfect day is? My Massey dog has to wear the cone of shame and he keeps trying to scratch him off and I keep having to do it up; my husband is away for the weekend and I am quite dependent on him in a lot of ways…..can today still be a perfect day despite these setbacks for me? If I have a quota, they can’t. If I live in the moment and I try to live out of who I am in Christ, then today can be a perfect day.

I used to try and imagine the perfect day. There were times I would think my perfect day was time away from my kids…that didn’t work. I missed them too much. There were times I would think my perfect day was time away from my whole family. I missed them too much though the times I did do that, they were pretty needed. That didn’t make it a perfect day though.

I’d like to imagine a perfect day in a tiny home, writing. The problem with that is focus ( more like a lack of focus). A full day of writing would not happen here. How about a perfect day being you do whatever you want, whenever you want. That sounds kind of selfish.  I need to take care of someone or something.

What I would like is for today to be my perfect day. The day that I live TODAY. Even if my circumstances SUCK. To some it up for me, a perfect day is a day that I can look back on and say

– I did the best I could with what I had.

– I learned something new today

– I did the next best thing no matter how small it was

– I am alive, therefore my purpose is still alive.

– I am loved!

Do you have a perfect day friend? Never feel bad or selfish because you answer a question different than I do. Remember, this is my blog so I talk a lot about me. It gets kind of old for me. 🙂

Have a super duper perfect day! If you want to read some really great uplifting quotes, google Winnie the Pooh quotes. Oh my heart! I loves you!

I loves you, friend!  ❤

Day 26: Multiple Faces of me

This will be a totally fun post with few words.  I will post some pics from the app FaceApp.   One comment I will make is that it freaks me and my youngest son out how much  we look alike when I am in the “man mode” picture.  Also, my old self looks very much like I do now.  Excuse the picture.  It’s not a great picture of me but it makes it even funner.  🙂

 

Oh my GOSH!  Too funny!  The teeth ones are so funny.  My original picture is the top left one in the collage.  If you are looking for a good laugh, try this.

Have a super duper blessed day friend!  Smile big and if you don’t want to, use the FaceApp.  🙂  I loves you!

Day 22: Something I Would Like to Change About Myself

This is an easy/hard one. Easy in the sense is there are lots of things and hard in the sense of keeping it down to one and not so many details that I put myself out there too much. I was never good at balance…HEY that is the one I will choose!

If I could change something it would be that I would be more balanced as a whole and in little things. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. Always have been and as I’m getting older I notice that it is in everything. It’s like I do one thing in the moment and my whole life has been and will be affected by it for the rest of my days. If I am not perfect at anything (and actually I am not) my way of looking at that is I am not good at ANYTHING. This lack of balance that I have holds me back from trying new things, meeting new people and well, going out anywhere in general. Lack of balance and anxiety but that is a whole different topic. 🙂 See, told ya. Lots I would like to change.

So, “if I am not perfect at something I am a failure at life.” That is such a horrible mantra but one that I have brought through life. It is only through counselling that I have been made aware of this and I have been trying to deal with it ever since (the last four years or so). I never felt like I was good enough or measured up. I know why I am this way and it is still a struggle but I have learned it is a “LIE” and some things are only in the eyes of the talker. Just because someone sees it this way, doesn’t make it so. But it gets buried into the deepest of hiding places in your soul and festers. It’s tough.

But I do want to say that I have made some headway in this area. I am learning to balance this out in a realistic and truthful manner and that is helping tonnes! I’m still horrible at balance but I guess that will be a life-long struggle, situation to situation.

I will share with you how I am learning the lies of that horrible mantra. I am learning and starting to believe in tiny bits, who I am in Christ and most of all, that I am loved by Him 100%, no matter what. It doesn’t matter what I say or do…nothing I can do can change His amazing love for me. My whole life I felt unloved (not saying I was unloved but I felt I was), not only by God but by friends and family. It had festered so long that I was unlovable, that I was unworthy of anyone’s love including God’s. So now, to discover how wrong I was and not only that, to discover that even though I thought that about God, it doesn’t change how He feels about me. I am not only worthy and lovable…I am WORTHY, VALUED and LOVED! Once I started to grasp this, it made a huge difference in not only how I look at myself but how I look at others! Friend, you are WORTHY, VALUED and LOVED!

Anyway, that is my story and I am sticking to it. 🙂 I don’t want to turn this blog into a religious one but it is important that you know my faith my identity and worth in Christ is the reason I can and do write this blog. I give Him the glory so don’t be surprised if in the future you see me talk about more faith stuff. For now though, my identity in Christ is what is healing me.

Oh friend, I hope you know how much you are loved!!!! I loves you so much!!!

Day 21: 10 Favorite Foods

In no particular order (except for the pizza):

Pizza ( my very fave!)

Breakfast Burritos

Cheese and Bean Burritos

Tacos (real authentic ones from Mexico)

Taco Salad

Tossed Salad

Cheese

Eggs

Guacamole

Avocados

My favorite kitchen appliance is my George Foreman Grill. My oldest son uses it a lot too. He always says that the first thing he will do when he moves out is to buy one. They are so handy and you can use them for anything.

It is another cool and cold April day in Central Alberta. My son has been on Easter Holidays and goes back to school (well, starts school anyway) on Tuesday. We have one more push and then he is done grade 11. We will probably end school in mid-June. This year has just flown by!! Oh how the years go by quickly. I used to think it was a cliche but it is the total truth! ( wow, that’s a paragraph with a LOT of short sentences)

My husband works on Saturday and we will get so see some great friends on Saturday night. That is pretty much our weekend planned.

Have a super duper Friday Friends! Smile, cuz you can! I loves you!

Day 19: Something That Never Fails to Make Me Feel Better

Hi Friend! I have to make this quick because I have a killer headache today. It was migraine mode this morning which is why I am late getting this up.

There were two different ways I was thinking of answering this. One was a deeper way maybe in some ways more the transparent truth when it comes to truly feeling better. I will save that for another day though because I am not feeling well right now.

When I am feeling down or “meh” there are four different movies I watch. Not all in the same sitting of course but each one, in its own way, make me feel happy.

Mamma Mia

Hairspray Live

Grease Live

Julie&Julia

There you have it! Do you like any of these? If you want, link up your favorite movie or you go-to that makes you feel better “every time!”

Have a beautiful day! I loves you!

Day 17: Something I Am Currently Worried About

What am I not worried about? Unfortunately, my worries can turn into fears thus the overthinking and future-tripping. With alcohol being a regular thing that has been around our lives since we were married, I have done so much worrying and future tripping. Maybe I will share more about that in another post just so you can hear one story of a wife married to an alcoholic (might I add…in the church).

I’ll put that on the back burner for now and talk about the here. 🙂 What am I worried about? I worry about my kids getting hurt while driving. I even worry about the guys getting hurt on the job even though they are safe. I worry about what my life will be like after my youngest is done homeschooling in a year and what in the world I will do and where I will fit.

I worry about my health as a diabetic with high blood pressure (and overweight). I worry about what others think of me and how they will react to what I say and do. See, there isn’t much I don’t worry about.

I think when it comes right down to it, I worry about everything I have no control over. I hate to admit it, but I would love to have more control over what happens in my life. I don’t though because other people are involved and some things well, some things are just not controllable by a human being. At the same time, would I really want control of everything and everyone in my life? That sounds like a huge responsibility. Talk about having to take meds. Yikes.

I know that my worrying can and has really influence my health, not in good ways. I have become literally physically sick because of worrying.  It has now become chronic anxiety and THAT is not fun at all!!!

As a Christian, I am told not to worry. “Give it to God,” they say, “you’ll feel way better.” Sometimes that has worked. I am just in the habit of taking it back and worrying double over it. “ If you can worry,” they say, “you can pray” That’s a good one and even might be Biblical. It is said so flippant and in ways that make it sound so easy. It’s not easy. I have considered trying meditation. Not so much the Eastern Culture meditation, though, the same technique but not being emptied and filled with nothingness as compared with being emptied of the garbage and filled with God. Now, that sounds weird to me because God is already in me, but to empty myself of the garbage, I can get behind that idea. I don’t know what stops me from trying that. Maybe it might actually work at calming my nerves. There was one time I was in the Dr. Office ( about 4 months ago) and was having my blood pressure taken. I just sat there calmly chanting “Jesus” over and over again and made sure that was all I thought about. My BP was totally normal and she took me off the meds. I don’t know if my BP normal had anything to do with my meditating but the results, in the end, were favorable.

Anyway, I do know being still will the Lord is calming regardless of what you call it. Maybe I should do it way more and just quit worrying! Wanna join me? 🙂

Have a super duper Monday! Smile because it’s the only Monday of the week! I loves you!