Day 5: Someone I Miss

That’s an easy one, unfortunately. It’s a question that is usually asked that brings lots of faces and memories to mind. Whether you miss them because of death or moving or just moving on, whether it brings tears or laughter, it pretty much always brings several of them and always makes us think.

In my case today, the man I miss passed away March 28, 2008 from cancer. My Uncle Ron. He was one of my Mom’s  brothers. I live in Alberta and he lived in Surrey, British Columbia. I actually lived with him and my Auntie Phyllis for a while in my early twenties. I don’t know about you but I tend to feel like an outcast in groups. I think it’s probably because I am shy and an extreme introvert. I have no problem staying perfectly silent all evening. In fact, I learn a lot. I don’t know if it was my shyness or what but for some reason my Uncle always paid attention to me when we were visiting them, even as a kid. He didn’t do it in a nasty way, but in a way that made me feel like I worth something. It’s hard to explain. Instead of trying to change me and make me “not shy” he worked with me where I was at and showed me that I was special. Because of that, I took a shining to him and felt like “I was his favorite.” This was the same as an adult. I never felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t. He never made me feel ashamed of who I was and didn’t compare me to others. He took me at face value and valued me.

I was so devastated when he died of cancer. It’s like a part of me died as well. Not only that, one of the only people that truly accepted and loved me for who I was…introverted and shy and everything on top of that…gone. I’m so thankful that I was able to spend some time with him a year or so before while I was at a retreat in Richmond BC. That’s where the picture is from. It was a super duper great time that I will always cherish. You know what, I still believe I was his favorite and I will always believe that.:) I’m looking forward to seeing him again one day.

An honorary mention is someone I used to know 31 years ago. I met him when we both worked on the Suicide Crisis Line. His name was David and he was such a great guy. Our regular callers loved him and so did all the rest of us volunteers. I loved working nights with him because of the conversation. In fact, he is the person who in a way, introduced me to Jesus. I say, in a way because I was raised Catholic and so I knew Jesus, but not in the Evangelical way. I didn’t know Him personally. Anyway he was an addict survivor. The last time I saw him he had went back to Ontario for his Dad’s funeral (who died of lung cancer) and then next thing I know I was reading an Obituary in the paper that he had passed away of cancer too. He died of the same cancer that his Dad did, and less than a year apart. My heart truly broke when I learned of his death. I really felt for his Mom too. She had lost another son years before when he was hit by a train and then in less than a year her husband and son passed away. I wrote her a little note and got the sweetest reply from her.

There you have it. Now I am sad. I have great memories though with both of these men and I will see them again. But for now, the memories will make me laugh and cry and life will go on.

Hug your loved ones close!!! I loves you!

Day 4: Someone I Have Always Wanted To Meet And…UGH!

You know, I have wracked my brain on this one. You would think since I picked the questions I would pick ones I knew my answer to already. WHAT was I thinking? Lol I will give a shout out to my friend Rosemary in Australia. I would LOVE to meet her and hopefully one day, that will happen. For now though, I am thankful for the interweb so we can stay in touch. I love her muchly!!

There is only one other thing that comes to my mind regarding this, and that is: another question. I LOVE musicals. Right from the time I was a little kid, I always wished that life was like a musical in the sense that we would sing to each other. I know some of you are way better singers than some of us but if it was a “norm” would we even notice that in that respect? I wouldn’t want to take away from amazing singers but it wouldn’t have to. Singing would be talking and better singers could still do it for a living. The only that would change was every once in a while we would break into song. Yes, I’m a dork.

I’m afraid I don’t have tonnes of inspiration today, even to just sit here and write. It’s a beautiful day but I sense depression on my doorstep. I always know when it is there and as it comes closer so I know now is the time to fight it unless  I’m too late and it comes in. Being in a depression state isn’t the worse thing ( anxiety is WAY worse IMHO). Sometimes I even welcome it like an old friend. It’s so weird. I hate depression yet sometimes I love it. I guess in a way it has become natural. It has become a natural state and when I’m not depressed I sometimes am even lost because it feels so unnatural to me. Depression is different for everyone and where some people ( a lot of people actually ) have chosen to poeticize it, I choose not to because I don’t believe depression deserves that. Just because I welcome it ( sometimes )and just because we talk about it more and “accept“ it, I still believe that, like cancer, it isn’t a normal and natural state. We don’t poeticize cancer, in fact, we HATE cancer. I hate depression and in my mind, in my own body, in my own state, I see it as a weakness in me. I don’t feel that way about others, but I see a weakness and fear in me and the result is depression. Friends, this is my personal opinion on my own depression. There is nothing that annoys me more than when I see the lists of things to do “when you are depressed.“ HELLO. Depression takes so much away including a desire to even get better. Even to learn all that ahead of time, it just doesn’t work. The hardest thing to do when you are depressed is to take that “next step.“ But you know what, that is the only thing I can do and sometimes that next step is just getting out of bed.

Anyway, I’m not sure where that came from. I guess I went with it. I have an appointment tomorrow and I imagine I might feel better or worse after it. I will just repeat to myself that I will not judge myself on my health and the things I don’t do right with it. I will just do better next time.

Toodles friends! Have an amazing day! I loves you!

My Tribute to Judy: Toronto Blue Jays

I’ll admit I am not a baseball fan.  I have watched it when someone else had it on but I don’t follow it.  I much prefer hockey ( GO OILERS…WOOHOO).  BUT…this year I am going to follow the Toronto Blue Jays.  It will be sort of a tribute type thing to me.  A way for me to remember my friend, Judy, who passed away March 3 of cancer.  She was a HUGE Blue Jays fan.  So I may not be as huge of a fan as Judy was and I won’t even touch my mom and her love for the Jays but I will watch it ( ok I don’t have a TV).  I will remember the games we watched together while she was sick, and the lessons she taught me about baseball.

Judy…you have GREAT seats this year!  Love you my dear friend.  I will see you again.  ❤

 

GO JAYS GO!  I Loves you friends!