Today I Dance

It’s been years since I have danced.  It’s been years since I have wanted to dance. I found myself dancing to a Madonna song this morning after I finished washing my floors and vacuuming.  For some reason I felt content and instead of stifling it like I usually do, I went with my feelings. It was fun.  My dogs thought I was crazy and luckily my husband is working today and my son is sleeping.  Had my son seen me he would have wondered about my sanity.  I find myself doing that a lot lately myself ( wondering about my sanity).  I am experiencing things and feelings I have never or at least I don’t remember.  I think this has to do with hope.  Hope for a future that maybe I can be truly happy.  It’s a foreign feeling to me but I will go with it and I will look forward to more of it in the future because as I am learning, what and how I think is what will manifest.  Exciting times.

TTFN

It’s a Good Day in the Neighborhood

Even though I didn’t get to sleep until 2:43 am and up around 9, I still got 6 hours sleep and according to my NEW Fitbit, I didn’t sleep half bad during those 6 hours!  I did put down 7 hours as my target sleep but I will take what I can.  Check out this baby:

This is my Fitbit Charge HR.  I need the numbers to motivate me.  This one is so much more high tech then my other one was.  I love it and I love the color.  I just wish I could find an app that I could use it along with keeping track of my sugar numbers too.  There is one compatible that they mention but it isn’t available in Canada.  Such is life! Carry on!

It started off a rainy day but is now snowing.  You just never know that they weather will be like in Alberta.  I guess it’s like that everywhere though; we all think that way.  🙂

 

It’s not a great day for the guys to be working outside so it sounds like it will be a shop kind of day.  As for me…maybe I will stay in my jammies all day.  It is definitely THAT kind of day!

Have a super duper blessed Thursday!  Look up and SHINE!  I loves you!

Day 13: Why Do I Blog

Why do I blog? I started in 2007 or 2008. I actually don’t remember why I started blogging but I do remember why I stopped blogging. Facebook.

First of all, I was on it too much to even take time out to write. The times I did take time out I didn’t have anything to say or I would be drawn back in. I guess it isn’t Facebook (itself) fault as much as it was my fault and the way I saw, used and was affected by it.

I think in the beginning I just wanted to write and share. I have always liked writing and what a fine way to portray that; to act that out, than to have a blog. I never had a huge following but I thought what I had to say had some merit. In the years since I started one that whole merit thingy idea has fluctuated, depending on where I was in life and what was going on and where I was with my depression.

I never went longer than a few months without blogging but I definitely didn’t do much in the last few years. There was something almost therapeutic when I deleted my Laundry Queen Blog and started this one. It was like a new beginning to me. I am in a new and different place in life now so it seemed like a change was necessary PLUS my title came from all the laundry I had to do with our family of four, now I only do it for my husband and me. KA CHING! THAT is another perk of your kids growing up! 🙂

I call myself a writer because I write, not because of the way I write. I tend to compare myself to others and I see such professionalism in the way some people write. I write the way I talk and think. If I was to write down my thoughts, well, I guess I am. 🙂 These are the same words I think. Interestingly enough, my son writes the same way. I was I little concerned when we sent our homeschool facilitator his short story. I thought it was fantastic, quite outstanding actually. When we handed it in I was thinking of some writing projects I did in grade 12 that weren’t that well accepted because of the style. My teacher did comment though that I was a good writer with a good imagination (though, I haven’t done much writing in fiction since). Anyway, our facilitator loved my son’s story. He was thrilled.

I blog now because I love to write.

I blog now because the words are coming and I want to type them while I can and while they are there. I blog now because it brings me joy and makes me happy.

I blog now because this is the first time in years and years and years that I have felt this good and I want to take advantage of every moment that I have.

I blog now because I am doing something for me; something therapeutic that is bringing healing to my life and I know I still have a ways to go to complete healing, but in that process, I have found something that I had never had before and that is a piece of who Alexis truly is.

That is why I blog.

All the Glory goes to God ❤

Have a Terrific Thursday! I loves you!

Day 11: A Habit I Wish I Didn’t Have

I didn’t know what to pick. I have so many. 🙂 I will choose one based on a comment I made at the end of my last post and happiness. One of my worse habits is pushing down my emotions. Truth is, I push them all down whether they are good or bad emotions. It was interesting when I was in counseling, we talked about emotions and I was asked to name some. The only ones I could name were the negative ones. I felt them all the time but the anger I stuffed, as well as any happy emotions. I guess I just didn’t feel worthy of being happy.

I would like to think that this has changed by now but it hasn’t, much. I’m very careful, first of all, about who sees any of my emotions. If I feel unsafe in any way…it’s gone. Pushed deep into me. When I was out walking the other day, it was just my Dukey and I. For that walk I felt so happy and I was tempted to stuff it in, but I didn’t and I was surprised (don’t laugh at me now) that I actually felt happy for a couple hours after. That is not an emotion I am used to at all. I usually stay on a very even keel so I am mediocre or melancholy or angry. I don’t allow myself the in between feelings.

What happens to a person that they don’t allow themselves to feel at all? Why does guilt play so much into it? I know it is a far bigger picture than just not allowing emotions. I know that it goes deep deep into a place that I haven’t explored yet. I also know that time is coming to explore it. It is one of those places I have to go in order to find complete healing. Over the last four years, I have explored many places; many nooks and crannies within myself where I have hidden memories. Some I have been healed of, some I haven’t yet but as I go along this journey, I am learning to offer grace to myself. Meaning, I am allowing myself to take all the time I need for complete healing. @#%t happens that you have no control over and from there life can spiral as you live the only way you know to cope with what has happened. Through that we come up with ways to cope and in that is where we may find some bad habits, hence, mine of stuffing my emotions.

I know this is pretty deep for such a simple question. I am usually like that. 🙂

Well friends, off I go to enjoy this nice day. We have a bunch of snow that is supposed to come Thursday and Friday. Oh the joys of Spring in Alberta! Have a super duper blessed day!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy! I loves you!

Day 10: All About My Pets

I would love to share about my pets. We love them so much! They are definitely part of our family.

Snickles is the oldest. She is 16 years old and we actually call her Gramma sometimes. She is extremely grumpy and she bites; when she is really angry she will draw blood. She is a nasty girl but when she wants to get pet, she will allow you to pet her head and will act all sweet and stuff until you start petting her somewhere else. She is the ruler of the household. We got her when we moved into our last house. My oldest son was 4 and my youngest was 1. I dread the day that she dies.

Next oldest is Dukey. He is about 8 or 8 1/2. His previous owner was a breeder who had dementia and she ended up getting put in a home and she had several dogs. Duke was one of them. He was about 1 when we got him and he had never been out of a kennel. Needless to say, his one leg is a little deformed but it doesn’t hold him back. He thinks he is the leader of the household until Snickles hisses and then he knows he’s not….for now! He is great for letting us know when we have company; he is a barker ( he is also Momma’s boy).

Next, comes Massey. We haven’t had him for quite a year yet. He was 4 when we got him. He is a Bullmastiff. The reason he needed to be rehomed is because his previous owner’s found out that their child, who was one at the time, was allergic to him. They seem to have really loved him. He is a very nice mild mannered boy and does a few little tricks. He also likes to wander over to the bee farm across our street so we now have to tie him up. He is a great deterrent for would-be thieves. I don’t think he would be that mellow then. He has fit into our family pretty fine. The gentle giant.

Last, but certainly not least, is our Marti. She is about 8 months old and was a barn cat actually. Unfortunately, we had to rescue her because Massey seemed to not like kittens ( or was playing with her). She has been the joy of our winter. Wowsers! She is wild and she literally bounces off the walls. She is so much fun and is so hyper. She super bothers Snickels and Dukey. He and Massey do get along but under her terms. She is so much fun!

There you have it. We have had other pets and maybe one day I will share about our first dog, Gator. She was the apple of our eyes. Oh, how I miss her terribly still. She grew up with the boys and I would tell them that she was their older sister. LOL They don’t seem to be too damaged by it.  🙂

Feel free to share in the comments about your pets if you want. Have a wonderful day friends. It’s a dull, drab, cloudy and cool day here but Spring is springing and I am thrilled! On that note:

Do you know what happens when you allow yourself to be happy? You are truly happy. ( stay tuned for a full post on this!)

Toodles! I loves you!