I had to stop and cry in the middle of cutting vegetables tonight. I became so overwhelmed at how special it was and how special I felt to be so loved by my grandson, Donovan. I went shopping today with him and his mama. I went along so I could keep him occupied in secondhand stores. Frankly, I loved it. He is such a well behaved boy when we are out.
While I was cutting vegetables, I went though my day in my head. I thought of the times that Dono played shy and how it was me that he clung to ( just because I was closest out of me and his mom). I’m not saying he chose me over his mom, I’m saying that I was good enough and that he felt safe with me. That is who and what I want to be and what I want to provide….safety.
I was in a self-compassion workshop this week. We talked about values and we talked about learning to love ourselves the way we are loved by someone else. When I think of the way that Dono looked to me for safety and love today, it really overwhelmed me on this realm as well. Could I really learn to love myself that much?
I think I will stay on this path. It felt really good to be loved that way. Can you even imagine how good it would feel if I could always feel that loved, by me?