Book I am Reading 001

Too Deep For Words: Rediscovering Lectio Divina

I was looking for a book on contemplative prayer and this is one if the three or four that were recommended to me.  So far I am really liking it.

If anyone else has some books to recommend or some thoughts on contemplative prayer, please feel free to share.

Thanks!  I loves You!

Day 17: Something I Am Currently Worried About

What am I not worried about? Unfortunately, my worries can turn into fears thus the overthinking and future-tripping. With alcohol being a regular thing that has been around our lives since we were married, I have done so much worrying and future tripping. Maybe I will share more about that in another post just so you can hear one story of a wife married to an alcoholic (might I add…in the church).

I’ll put that on the back burner for now and talk about the here. 🙂 What am I worried about? I worry about my kids getting hurt while driving. I even worry about the guys getting hurt on the job even though they are safe. I worry about what my life will be like after my youngest is done homeschooling in a year and what in the world I will do and where I will fit.

I worry about my health as a diabetic with high blood pressure (and overweight). I worry about what others think of me and how they will react to what I say and do. See, there isn’t much I don’t worry about.

I think when it comes right down to it, I worry about everything I have no control over. I hate to admit it, but I would love to have more control over what happens in my life. I don’t though because other people are involved and some things well, some things are just not controllable by a human being. At the same time, would I really want control of everything and everyone in my life? That sounds like a huge responsibility. Talk about having to take meds. Yikes.

I know that my worrying can and has really influence my health, not in good ways. I have become literally physically sick because of worrying.  It has now become chronic anxiety and THAT is not fun at all!!!

As a Christian, I am told not to worry. “Give it to God,” they say, “you’ll feel way better.” Sometimes that has worked. I am just in the habit of taking it back and worrying double over it. “ If you can worry,” they say, “you can pray” That’s a good one and even might be Biblical. It is said so flippant and in ways that make it sound so easy. It’s not easy. I have considered trying meditation. Not so much the Eastern Culture meditation, though, the same technique but not being emptied and filled with nothingness as compared with being emptied of the garbage and filled with God. Now, that sounds weird to me because God is already in me, but to empty myself of the garbage, I can get behind that idea. I don’t know what stops me from trying that. Maybe it might actually work at calming my nerves. There was one time I was in the Dr. Office ( about 4 months ago) and was having my blood pressure taken. I just sat there calmly chanting “Jesus” over and over again and made sure that was all I thought about. My BP was totally normal and she took me off the meds. I don’t know if my BP normal had anything to do with my meditating but the results, in the end, were favorable.

Anyway, I do know being still will the Lord is calming regardless of what you call it. Maybe I should do it way more and just quit worrying! Wanna join me? 🙂

Have a super duper Monday! Smile because it’s the only Monday of the week! I loves you!