My Mommy Heart

When you put your child into kindergarten; that first day you follow the bus to their school to make sure the bus makes it there (yes, I did)….you never think that one day they will grow up. We live life one day at a time, getting through the days: wiping noses, changing diapers, driving them here, there and everywhere. All of sudden they have their learners license and then their drivers’ and then they are driving you (yikes!) It’s easy to look back on the years and have regrets and wish you had done (something) different but it’s too late AND you need to remember that you did what you thought was right at the time. Have no regrets.

I made a conscious decision of enjoying every stage my kids were at. I can look back and see some hard times that I wish I had…..but I stop myself. I offer myself grace. “You did the best you could. “ I loved every stage. Being a stay at home mom has had a lot of perks that I am so thankful for. It wasn’t always easy and frankly, I think I missed out on some things. That’s ok though. I can’t understand why woman have to hurt each other because of choices they make staying at home or working out of the home. We make our choices based on so many issues and reasons no one else may even know. Why do we judge each other? Why can’t we just support each other?

My oldest son is 20. He dropped out of high school. He finished grade 10 and is working as a welder with his dad (and the plan is to go to school…hopefully Jan 2108). I homeschooled him through grades 6 and 9 and he went to the local high school in grade 10 because he wanted to play football. What a mistake that was. The very boys he went for, bullied him. That very quickly ended his high school career. He’s a Stand up Comic working on becoming big. He works hard.

My other son is 17. I homeschooled him through grades 4-current. He is in grade 11. We only have one more year to go. He chose not to go to the local high school. I am glad for that. I have a lot regrets about how I homeschooled and yet, I did what I knew, with guidance from a wonderful wonderful facilitator. I would do it different if I could go back and yet…maybe I wouldn’t. My 17 year old is waiting in anticipation to get his driver’s license. He waited so he got it late. He plans to look for a job. He isn’t so interested in working with his brother and dad full-time.

So here I am. Almost done grade 11 and then grade 12. The next year will go so fast. Married coming on 22 years this year. It’s a weird place to be and I never ever thought that first day I put my son in kindergarten, that I would be at this point, looking at two young men who I love as much today as I did then.

My Mommy heart is hurting today but it’s very full. I am so blessed.

Count Your blessings friends. There are many. I loves you!

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Author: Alexis

Codependent in Recovery, Extreme Introvert and Overthinker.... Loved By GOD!

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