Comparing Myself

Something to think about: Comparing Myself

I am part of an online group where we are learning some new stuff. It’s growing daily and people are so excited. I notice how people react to new ideas ( that they like ), a good day, something exciting happening, a new movie out they’ve been dying to see…..you get the drift. Name anything you are excited about and react to it.

Now, how do I react? When people are happy, I am happy for them. I have no issues with the way people react to being happy and excited. My issue is how I react and I right off the bat I compare myself to them. This can have two consequences ( as I see it ). First of all, I can look at them and sneer in my mind. I can criticize them and hurt them, all the time realizing that it’s wrong. Second, I can criticize myself. I am not a huge reactor to things. I don’t even know if I used to be, but I do know that I am not anymore…..on the outside anyway.

What usually happens is I decide to criticize myself and that is why I am writing this blog. I am doing it right now. I know it’s wrong. I know it doesn’t make sense. I know all those things. I do believe if I was more of a reactor I would fit in better, but it just isn’t me and I choose to be me even if I am hurtful toward me.

I share all this to say I’m getting better. I am a supersenstive introvert. I took the Ennegram and I am a 5 (whatever that means). I remember years ago the family went on a mission trip to Mexico. My husband was the bus driver and he was able to take us all. I decided since these were people I had never met before I would try and act like my husband, who is an extroverted talker. I lasted 5 minutes ( maybe not even ). I’ll be honest and say I thought I was over this but apparently I am not.

I don’t have the energy to be someone else. Its too hard both mentally and physically. As an introvert my mind and thoughts are tiring enough never mind adding more to it. So what do I do? I guess I continue to learn about and love myself. I continue to be me and not only that, be happy and content with who I am because of the image I was made as….An ALL Loving God.

I will get this and I will not be so hard on myself. I got this!

TTFN

Anyone else have this issue? I’d love to hear your story.

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Joy Dare Notes

It’s an interesting thing, this Gratitude challenge.  It is Day 6 and out of 6, I missed 2.  The whole idea of looking for something, in particular, is kind of a hard thing to get used to. After I am done writing this blog I will use my weekly Joy Dare list as the background on my phone; then I will see it and remember.  It’s like starting a new habit.  I won’t chalk this up to failure yet.

It’s a beautiful Saturday here in Central Alberta.  My husband is working today ( and tomorrow).  My kids are both sleeping.  It’s so normal calling them “my kids” and yet when I do that on social media it makes them sound younger than they are.  They are 20 and 17.  I don’t plan to wake them up anytime soon ( it’s 10:30).  No huge plans today.  I might do a load or two of laundry and I need to go into town for a few things.  That’s about it.  I don’t lead a real exciting life.  🙂

Our landlords should be bringing their cows over soon.  We usually get them in Spring until Fall.  We love having them around.  We are kind of cow nerds ( my husband more than I).

Oh yeah.  Yesterday I sent in school registration for the very last time!  Grade 12.  With all the changes happening to homeschooling in Alberta, I am so thankful we are getting out of it now.  It’s way easier to come into these changes rather than being in the system already, set on a certain way of doing things and then all of a sudden having to change.  I agree with some of the changes but disagree with others.  Luckily, for us, we can do things the same we have all the way through high school.

Well, that’s enough rambling for now.  Have a great day friend!  Don’t forget how loved and amazing you are.  I loves you!

It’s safe to say that…

Spring is here!  The trees are budding, the grass is turning green, the temperature yesterday got to 28 celsius ( 82 F ) and today is supposed to be warmer.  Last night we slept with the window open and I was woke up twice by the coyotes.  I’m pretty sure they were in our yard very close.  Duke went wild ( the feature picture is of Duke on my pillow trying to look out the window) and I could hear Massey wake up too.  It kind of freaked me out that they were so close.  I imagine once the cows are here, they won’t be around as much.  We will see.  Our first Spring and Summer here they were around and used to watch Duke and I out walking.  We would see them watching us and Duke would bark at them.  I got freaked out when the one barked and howled back at him.  Last Spring and Summer not so much.  I think we got Massey in the late Spring so he kept them at bay.  Now, this Spring we have shop cats.  Two of them, outside cats.  Wally figures that is why they are around ( and the fact that Dukey is a little dog).  We have to keep Massey on a rope because he has started wandering off.  His nose and taste pallets have taken him to the Tees Bees Farm right across the road from us.  So yeah, he has to be tied up now.

This is country life.  I love it, even with the coyotes.  I’ll just be happy they aren’t wolves!  We don’t get them around here.  Whew!

Have a super Friday friend!  I hope where you are the weather is sunny.  Somehow, a sunny day makes life just a tiny bit better.  I loves you!

Day 15: Weird Things I Do When I Am Alone AND Other Blabbering!

I guess it would depend on your interpretation of weird. When I am alone I eat food I shouldn’t eat. Sometimes I even stuff myself until I am sick but I am working at NOT doing that anymore. So much of that depends on my mood and why I am alone and what is happening. I also watch Musicals: Hairspray, Mamma Mia and Grease and my favorite non-musical: Julie&Julia. I have seen them all many many times. I am currently watching the Live versions of Grease and Hairspray. 🙂 I guess that is mainly it. I don’t think neither is too weird. I think the eating one is an emotional problem more than a physical one and one I am currently working on stopping, mainly by trying to find healthier foods. 🙂 The movie issue has become a joke among my hubby and kids but sometimes I don’t take it as a joke and I feel like a freak. That is why I will start watching the movies WHEN they are away from me. So I like watching certain movies over and over again! Sue me! Just wait until The Shack comes out on video!! I’m VERY excited for that!

Yesterday was Good Friday and we went for supper at my parents’ place in Red Deer. My sister and her husband were there and my oldest son brought his girlfriend. We had fish and chips (I grew up having fish and chips on Good Friday as a Catholic). Since I am going through such a radical paradigm change, I am not sure about my thoughts any more about Good Friday. I know what it stands for still and I acknowledge it and Easter as very significant events in my faith. I just haven’t put the emotions into it yet. I’m still trying to grasp it. If feels like it needs to be so much for to me than just one weekend. I’m mulling it over. (Because that’s what I do as a radical over-thinker!)

I got up today after just over 5-hour sleep (I had a latte around 8:30 oops). I got tons done though! Kitchen done, supper in the crock pot, the salad made, back room cleaned (after our nice flood), and now laundry is going. I love cooking to podcasts now and I finally found a great one that I will binge listen to for a while. The Liturgists. I love them. I love their chemistry and the fact that as of the first three episodes…no bashing of other Christians. I don’t have a problem with people having different radical views and I will even listen to them (I know what is important to me now as far as my beliefs go) but I hate the bashing that goes on. So far so good. I have been listening to a few all week and maybe in a few days, I will share about the ones I have on my Google Play Music.

I guess I will end there. I wish it was nicer out so we can enjoy going outside but I guess we will enjoy being inside. Yummy stew for supper is perfect for the cool rainy/snowy weekend. Have a super duper blessed day Friends! I will see you again, tomorrow and hopefully my blog will be up sooner. 🙂

I loves you!!!

Day 9: The Meaning Behind My Blog Name

Interestingly enough, someone asked me about that last week. I am afraid it isn’t a very interesting answer. The truth of the matter is that I have had this blog for approximately 4 years now but I have never blogged on it. I had been using Blogger for years and I actually just deleted it last week. I made the blog with WordPress around the same time I made a Tumblr account and they were both made with the intent of finding a way to deal with my depression through writing. Wordly Random was a name I chose because it gave me permission to write about anything I wanted. Random words. There is a psychology to it that obviously didn’t work for me otherwise I would have used it. lol I guess I found it hard switching over from Blogger plus I was a little intimidated with getting started and learning something new. Now that I look back, I see that I was majorly damaged in the fact that I wasn’t even able to write. Maybe what I had to say back then didn’t matter? I still don’t think what I have to say matters to anyone else. I do all my writing for me now and I give God all the glory. If anyone is blessed or just plain impressed by anything I have to share, that to me is a BONUS!  ♥

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Happy Sunday! I loves you!

My Mommy Heart

When you put your child into kindergarten; that first day you follow the bus to their school to make sure the bus makes it there (yes, I did)….you never think that one day they will grow up. We live life one day at a time, getting through the days: wiping noses, changing diapers, driving them here, there and everywhere. All of sudden they have their learners license and then their drivers’ and then they are driving you (yikes!) It’s easy to look back on the years and have regrets and wish you had done (something) different but it’s too late AND you need to remember that you did what you thought was right at the time. Have no regrets.

I made a conscious decision of enjoying every stage my kids were at. I can look back and see some hard times that I wish I had…..but I stop myself. I offer myself grace. “You did the best you could. “ I loved every stage. Being a stay at home mom has had a lot of perks that I am so thankful for. It wasn’t always easy and frankly, I think I missed out on some things. That’s ok though. I can’t understand why woman have to hurt each other because of choices they make staying at home or working out of the home. We make our choices based on so many issues and reasons no one else may even know. Why do we judge each other? Why can’t we just support each other?

My oldest son is 20. He dropped out of high school. He finished grade 10 and is working as a welder with his dad (and the plan is to go to school…hopefully Jan 2108). I homeschooled him through grades 6 and 9 and he went to the local high school in grade 10 because he wanted to play football. What a mistake that was. The very boys he went for, bullied him. That very quickly ended his high school career. He’s a Stand up Comic working on becoming big. He works hard.

My other son is 17. I homeschooled him through grades 4-current. He is in grade 11. We only have one more year to go. He chose not to go to the local high school. I am glad for that. I have a lot regrets about how I homeschooled and yet, I did what I knew, with guidance from a wonderful wonderful facilitator. I would do it different if I could go back and yet…maybe I wouldn’t. My 17 year old is waiting in anticipation to get his driver’s license. He waited so he got it late. He plans to look for a job. He isn’t so interested in working with his brother and dad full-time.

So here I am. Almost done grade 11 and then grade 12. The next year will go so fast. Married coming on 22 years this year. It’s a weird place to be and I never ever thought that first day I put my son in kindergarten, that I would be at this point, looking at two young men who I love as much today as I did then.

My Mommy heart is hurting today but it’s very full. I am so blessed.

Count Your blessings friends. There are many. I loves you!