Panic Attack in the Public Washroom

I know it’s been a while since I posted and I know this may be a weird topic to write about but it’s too many words for Twitter.

We were in Red Deer to go to an appt. ( one that was causing me a little anxiety, I might add) and since were were early decided to stop at a popular cafe/restaurant for coffee and the washroom.  I was sitting, like I usually do and someone turned on the dryer to dry their hands.  OMG!!!  It was SO loud!!  We have one of those in Lacombe, that I know of, that I try to avoid using that washroom unless I mentally prepare myself.  I was FREAKING out!  I just wanted to cover my years and scream and I will admit, I came close to doing so.

I googled when I got home and I guess this is a thing but it doesn’t seem to be talked about, or maybe too common.  More so with kids, it seems.  I really do hate loud sounds, including music, which makes life tough sometimes when you live with people that LOVE loud sounds and music.  If I know it’s coming I can prepare myself and be ready and it’s not so bad.  Just freaking tell me!

I am still shaking and freaked out .  I don’t know if there is a way to deal with this.  I guess it’s not common enough to post a sign in the washroom.  That’s one place I won’t be going into again.  I hope the whole chain doesn’t go that way.

I’m curious if anyone else has this issue.  Am I once again…..abnormal?

Have a great day friends.

I thought this was worth sharing ( talking about the picture)

The thinking patterns and filters for those of us who suffer from depression and anxiety can be different than those who don’t.  Actually, I’m pretty sure they are different.  I had to remind myself yesterday as I was copying out of list of 50 things you can control.  It’s amazing what you cannot control when the filter you see life through is depression.  It’s crazy really.  Anyway, I liked this picture I came across.  It fit well with the majority of my days….esp the high anxiety days.  I hope your day is going well friends!  Take it like I try to do…a day at a time.

It’s Been a Very Long Time!

But I am back and I am going to try something.  I guess it was three years ago now that I started following a new blog at the time called A Grace Journey of Learning to Live Loved.  I had heard of Mike Zenker though Steve McVey and Grace Walk.  He is the head of Grace Walk Canada.  I haven’t gone back and listened or read any of it yet, so I’m not sure if Mike did this series because it was around the Lent season but nonetheless, He started a series called a 40 Day Faith-bit Grace Journey.  I decided tonight while I was lying in bed not being able to sleep that this is what I need to do.  I need to take this journey again and what a great idea for me to share it with you.  I will reblog them daily starting tomorrow.  The first two might be on the same day.  I will try and coincide it with Lent.  I may or may not succeed.  I will also share my thoughts…maybe and I pray that I will be able to do this.  Depression and Anxiety have had a hold on me for so long and stolen so much from me.  I just want it back.  No, I don’t what what I had back, I want more.  The struggle is real friends, but I will do this and as the days go by I will explain to you why it is important for me to do this.  I don’t usually do posts at night and publish them but tonight I will.  It feels nice to type again and maybe through this journey, I can learn to be transparent and actually do some of the writing I so desire to do.  Good night precious friends.  It’s good to be back!

Day 17: Something I Am Currently Worried About

What am I not worried about? Unfortunately, my worries can turn into fears thus the overthinking and future-tripping. With alcohol being a regular thing that has been around our lives since we were married, I have done so much worrying and future tripping. Maybe I will share more about that in another post just so you can hear one story of a wife married to an alcoholic (might I add…in the church).

I’ll put that on the back burner for now and talk about the here. 🙂 What am I worried about? I worry about my kids getting hurt while driving. I even worry about the guys getting hurt on the job even though they are safe. I worry about what my life will be like after my youngest is done homeschooling in a year and what in the world I will do and where I will fit.

I worry about my health as a diabetic with high blood pressure (and overweight). I worry about what others think of me and how they will react to what I say and do. See, there isn’t much I don’t worry about.

I think when it comes right down to it, I worry about everything I have no control over. I hate to admit it, but I would love to have more control over what happens in my life. I don’t though because other people are involved and some things well, some things are just not controllable by a human being. At the same time, would I really want control of everything and everyone in my life? That sounds like a huge responsibility. Talk about having to take meds. Yikes.

I know that my worrying can and has really influence my health, not in good ways. I have become literally physically sick because of worrying.  It has now become chronic anxiety and THAT is not fun at all!!!

As a Christian, I am told not to worry. “Give it to God,” they say, “you’ll feel way better.” Sometimes that has worked. I am just in the habit of taking it back and worrying double over it. “ If you can worry,” they say, “you can pray” That’s a good one and even might be Biblical. It is said so flippant and in ways that make it sound so easy. It’s not easy. I have considered trying meditation. Not so much the Eastern Culture meditation, though, the same technique but not being emptied and filled with nothingness as compared with being emptied of the garbage and filled with God. Now, that sounds weird to me because God is already in me, but to empty myself of the garbage, I can get behind that idea. I don’t know what stops me from trying that. Maybe it might actually work at calming my nerves. There was one time I was in the Dr. Office ( about 4 months ago) and was having my blood pressure taken. I just sat there calmly chanting “Jesus” over and over again and made sure that was all I thought about. My BP was totally normal and she took me off the meds. I don’t know if my BP normal had anything to do with my meditating but the results, in the end, were favorable.

Anyway, I do know being still will the Lord is calming regardless of what you call it. Maybe I should do it way more and just quit worrying! Wanna join me? 🙂

Have a super duper Monday! Smile because it’s the only Monday of the week! I loves you!